Last night, we attended a dinner party. Larry – who was seated across the dinner table from me – runs an advertising firm with two partners. He proceeded to tell a story about an email he’d received earlier in the day from one of those partners.
As he read, he sensed an underlying tone, which was reinforced by the writer’s use of capitalization. Perturbed, he set it aside. Later, he asked a 3rd party to read the email before he responded. She agreed that his conclusions had merit. Still… he decided that – rather than send back a nasty email of his own – he’d simply speak to his partner about it,
whereupon he learned that his perception was considerably different from his partner’s intent.
The story struck a nerve. I’d had an email situation yesterday as well, and as usual, with a complete stranger. Clients routinely use our website to make suggestions, ask questions, etc. I often take time from my day to personally respond – a time consuming endeavor. This particular doctor’s suggestion demonstrated that she was unfamiliar with a basic feature – a common problem. We all have similar issues with feature laden software. I responded with information – nothing but the facts. I added CAPS and italics to emphasize specific items. I was trying to be helpful… Her response:
“I’ve taken alot of sarcasm in your response.”
and
“Thanks for the quick response; but you could have removed the attitude.”
I re-read the email. What sarcasm? What attitude? What could she be referring to?
We answer a high volume of email. Perhaps once every few months, someone grossly misinterprets a response. For instance, in 2007, I was exchanging a series of emails with Dr. SK. In the middle of this exchange, he exclaimed: “I am insulted by the way you respond as if I have no idea what I am talking about.” I requested he re-read my
comments and received back the following:
“I appreciate your responses. My wife just reprimanded me for how I responded to you last e-mail. I get a little hot headed when I read into what people tell me. I’m sorry about that.”
Unfortunately, such exchanges are time consuming for everyone. When I take time to personally respond to you, and manage to alienate you in the process, I wonder why I bothered responding at all. But then I recall that your reaction is unusual. So, the next time you interact with us via email (or on the phone), please keep in mind that we’re very busy and have better things to do than antagonize you. Any tone you perceive is your imagination… nothing more. And since better than 99.99% of my email exchanges occur without incident, I would like to think I don’t need to attend an email etiquette seminar.
The irony is that though we go to great lengths to make ourselves available to you, we often can’t win in such situations. When I believe a somewhat detailed explanation might be helpful… you may perceive this as “being defensive.” When I provide facts, you perceive an attitude – as Dr. SK did. I wish I could provide facial cues, or a disclaimer… Anyway, please, please don’t inject your concept of sarcasm, contempt, ridicule or other negative connotations into my verbiage. Thanks for your consideration.